the answers are the actual responses by the website
officials, who obviously have a sense of humor ...
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never
seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit
around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the
railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of
water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can
you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville
and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in
Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of
Europe .. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of
the Pacific which does not ... Oh forget it. Sure, the
hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come
naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when
you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (
USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
Ger-man-y, which is ... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys
Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight
after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available
all year round? (Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan
hunter/gatherers. _ Milk is illegal_.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can
dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come
from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be
safely handled and make good pets.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia ,
but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in
trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they
drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking
underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of
youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (
USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
population is smaller than the male popula tion?
( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact
the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you
help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (
USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first/
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